Whose idea was it to do intervals last night? Oh wait, it was mine, that's just crazy. So after only 4 straight days of riding I decided that I must be in good enough shape to do intervals last night on my 5th ride. I started by doing SteadyStates at 92% and as I got in to a rhythm I thought that I was doing alright and that maybe I didn't lose that much fitness after all those weeks of sitting on my ass. Well, it only took about 2 minutes of doing what was going to be a 7-minute interval to realize that I was sucking as bad as Britney Spears' parenting skills. I had the frothy-mouthed look of a rabid dog after about 5 minutes and by the 7th minute I was in a lactic haze that had me contemplating the argument of whether I'd rather eat myself out of a vat of hot wings, barbecued ribs, or pizza......the ribs won out. That was rep number one.....The second rep started after a short 3.5 minute break as I was doing 2-to-1 intervals..... I took off with a gusto thinking to myself "What Would Jesus Do?", he would start this interval with a sprint, I will too.....I promptly threw up in my mouth. "ok, maybe I'll just start slow and build up to speed"......7 minutes later I was down to just my socks because my mind said it was too muggy to be wearing these stupid biking clothes.....well, not really, but I had to convince myself to keep all my clothes on as I sweated buckets. Rep number two...finito. Max HR - 265, no lie. As I started rep number 3 I thought, this is it, let's finish strong, and to help me keep up the pace 2 riders turned on to my road from a side road just as I passed the intersection and I knew that they would probably start a little paceline to try to reel me in. Ok then, I'll just pick it up and blow them away...they have no clue...I'm a freakin' racer, I shave my legs dangit, I ride with the vengeance of someone who sits in a cubicle all day...they don't know who they are messing with. I crank it up and settle in, but they seem to be gaining, unbelievable. Alright, crank it up more. Look back under my arm to be discreet, they are still gaining....What the hell!!?? Is that freakin' Lance and Levi behind me, maybe it's a couple of Pros up for the USPRO crit that are taking a long ride from Downers Grove....maybe it's Andy and Scott, yeah, that's gotta be it cause these two are flying.....it's on like Donkey Kong now. Head down, deep breathing, in through my nose, out through my mouth, HR is 305 now, no problem. Shiiite, I can hear the sound of their bikes now...getting closer, great now I hear their shallow breathing right behind me....crap, getting passed.....don't look, save some pride, hold your breath so it looks like you aren't working, maybe they'll just go right by......What? They want to say hello....why is she smiling like that? Is he riding a single speed? Is that a basket???? "Yeah, ma'am, it is a nice day to get some groceries with your bike". "Oh, you're cooking a special dinner for your 50th wedding anniversary tonight, greaaaat". "Ok then, yes I will enjoy the rest of my ride...." I throw up in my mouth again. HR is 410. 3rd and final interval done....average speed for all 3 intervals....15.6mph. You all better watch out next Saturday, here I come.......
The preceding was a dramatization based on actual events, some facts have been changed to make the story more enjoyable. I fibbed on some of the stats to convey the difficulty of my intervals, obviously I can't go 15.6 mph quite yet...the rest is all true. Until next time...........
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